Monday, September 11, 2006

Thoughts on September 11th

I'm not ready. All day it came up: it was all over the news, the internet, and all week there will be handfuls of specials — but personally, I'm just not ready to go there.

It's not that I'm living in denial. I very much know what happened. It's not that I'd prefer not to talk about it, because every so often I try. It's just that it's still very fresh. I know that I am lucky. I didn't know anyone who died at the World Trade Centers, at the Pentagon, or in Somerset, PA... but that day five years ago scared me like I have never been scared before and like I haven't been scared since.

Last night I watched "9/11" on CBS. I didn't mean to, but it came on and I couldn't change the channel. The special consisted mainly of footage from two documentary filmmakers that happened to be in lower Manhattan that morning. Footage from right before the attack. Footage of the planes. Footage of the trade center lobbies. Of people. Of dust. Of debris. Footage of fires burning. Of people jumping. I knew I wasn't ready to watch it again, but I couldn't change the channel. And I cried. It's been five years, but it's still so hard.

I'm sure I could spend some time here talking about my views on terrorism and politics, and what we should've done or should be doing going forward... but there's no point. There are hundreds of thousands of opinions being broadcast or printed daily, and today that's not what I'm feeling.

Today isn't about all that. It's about how our lives were forever changed — forever changed in a way that I'd rather not admit. It's about the lasting impression this will have on me, my soul, and our generation. It's about innocent people that were caught completely off guard and had no chance to survive. It's their day. And as unavoidable as the footage and the images of that day are... I know that I am still unprepared to watch them, and that I will be for a long time, even if I see them anyway. I know it happened, and I still cry for the horror of that day. I'm not running from it. It's not possible. But I'm just not ready. And I don't know when I will be.


Anonymous Nan Morgan said...

Dear Miss ChaCha,

I am so proud to have watched you grow into such a thoughtful young lady, with very deep emotions and the ability to express those emotions so thoroughly. I love both you and Missy to death.
Mom Morgan

September 12, 2006 11:16 AM  
Blogger NPR Junky said...

Oh, hear hear. I was able to fly over ground zero last night, and our pilot made a special pass for us to see the beam coming up from the debris. Wow.

September 12, 2006 8:01 PM  
Blogger Charissa said...

Nan Morgan - HI!!! It's so nice to hear from you. I haven't seen you in forever. Thanks for the nice words, and I'm sending virtual hugs your way! Love you!

Junkie - I can't imagine. Did you get chills?

September 14, 2006 12:37 PM  

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