Saturday, October 25, 2008

Good, Bad and Ugly

Good.
I got my hair done. My neighbor does my hair and is SO good to me. I think I have a $300 hair cut/color/ highlights, and she charged me a very small percentage of that. I like it though. It is unfortunate that it's crazy windy, and it will soon look horrible.

Bad.
Grandma is not good. She has been up and down all week but it's really not good now. I am freaking out-crying-like, wanna throw up and all around am a mess. I think she knows that it's coming which makes me even more sick and nauseous. I am not ready. At all. Not at all. I know you never are, but my heart is going to break in a million pieces if she dies. I have faith that she'll be better/fine, blah, blah, blah... but I'm being selfish. I wanted her to see me married, you know? I wanted her to see me grow up (at least more). I want more time, and in life there is never enough. I know I'll be fine, I know she'll be fine. I know all of those things people say are true, but I'm still hurting. I don't want to lose her. I really don't feel strong enough when I think about it.

Ugly.
No clue. It was just a good post title.

3 Comments:

Blogger Summer said...

I'm sorry about your Grandma. I hope it is peaceful for her when it is time. We're never ready for these things and it's always going to hurt, whether it's expected or not. Hang in there girl, but don't feel bad about feeling bad. Grief is a painful thing, but it is a process because it is a process. I'm still working through mine.

Hugs!

Your hair looks cute.

October 25, 2008 2:32 PM  
Blogger William Taylor said...

i'm so very sorry. concentrate on what a wonderful and interesting life she has led, and how she has had a huge part in making you the person that you are today. i love you and i am here for you when ever you need me.

October 25, 2008 10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HI Honey, SO sorry to hear the news of your Grandmother. I know the pain of this loss, I have lost both of mine, as I am sure you know...my Mom's mom died right before I was married, and believe me she LIVED to see me get married, so that in and of itself, killed me inside. The pain will subside, and you will know she is always with you, even now. Grandma's are magical people, when they are with us and when they have gone on...she will always live in you...obviously you are close like I was with my Grandma's so it will be tough. It is never easy and the older we get, the more we will experience this loss...If you need anything, please let me know. I am hear to listen and listen and listen some more...Friends are good, especially now...hugs, annie

October 27, 2008 5:06 PM  

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