Saturday, June 02, 2007

Feelin' Down

Bad dream night last night. I dreamt the same, or very similar dreams, the whole night. I woke up over and over again only to fall back asleep and dream the same depressing dreams all over again. It all makes for a restless night of sleep and a sour and sad morning. I didn't get out of bed permanently until 11 AM.

It's pretty twisted that relationship scars from the past can play such a painful role almost 2 1/2 years later. It's strange how loving someone with strong feelings of being unwanted and abandonment can result in those same insecurities rubbing off on you. It's probably the very worst gift I've ever received. I don't really care about those people anymore, but the effects of the damage - emotional neglect, betrayal, abandonment - all sit in a dark corner of my soul and come out at the most inconvenient times. My life is great, my friends are great, my career is great, and there is nothing wrong in the least with my life... but this dark cloud of heartache and doubt comes and goes, and it's exhausting.

I just reread this post and it sounds awfully depressing. I'm not depressed, just weary today, I guess. My heart is aching today a little more than normal, and there's no easy way to get it to go away. Time, I guess. And maybe a little wine...

6 Comments:

Blogger Marie said...

a little "me" will cure you ;)

June 02, 2007 2:10 PM  
Anonymous Dad said...

Tomorrow is another day. Yeah, I know, kinda cheezy, but it is true. We all get our share of bad days, but they never last forever ;)

Love,
Dad

ps: If you were in town, we could polish off a 6-pack on the back deck. You gotta see this in the summer :)

June 02, 2007 2:41 PM  
Blogger Charissa said...

I love it that my dad and I can polish off a six pack together. That's awesome.

Thanks to the both of you... I'll be home soon.

June 02, 2007 3:04 PM  
Blogger Missy B said...

Sending happy thoughts your way. Hope tomorrow is better.pu

June 02, 2007 5:06 PM  
Blogger Missy B said...

I did not mean the pu at the end of the last one. I typed my word verification in the wrong spot. Sorry.

June 02, 2007 5:08 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

I really think that good or bad we all leave our mark on everyone we come into contact with. The only thing you can hope is that your mark on the world is a positive one. And yours is. love you!

June 03, 2007 2:44 PM  

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