Feelin' Down

Bad dream night last night. I dreamt the same, or very similar dreams, the whole night. I woke up over and over again only to fall back asleep and dream the same depressing dreams all over again. It all makes for a restless night of sleep and a sour and sad morning. I didn't get out of bed permanently until 11 AM.

It's pretty twisted that relationship scars from the past can play such a painful role almost 2 1/2 years later. It's strange how loving someone with strong feelings of being unwanted and abandonment can result in those same insecurities rubbing off on you. It's probably the very worst gift I've ever received. I don't really care about those people anymore, but the effects of the damage - emotional neglect, betrayal, abandonment - all sit in a dark corner of my soul and come out at the most inconvenient times. My life is great, my friends are great, my career is great, and there is nothing wrong in the least with my life... but this dark cloud of heartache and doubt comes and goes, and it's exhausting.

I just reread this post and it sounds awfully depressing. I'm not depressed, just weary today, I guess. My heart is aching today a little more than normal, and there's no easy way to get it to go away. Time, I guess. And maybe a little wine...