Mourning

So, no... I'm not great. I knew I wasn't ready for work yesterday or again this morning, but I went in today anyway knowing that returning to the world of people was inevitable. I just wasn't ready - I'll be the first to admit it. Today was rough.

Please know that I sincerely appreciate the emails, posts, texts, calls and voice mails - I really have a lot of loving people in my life, and I am so grateful for each of you - but I'm having difficulty returning any of your calls and such because talking about Elliott just makes me hurt. It makes me cry. It makes me mad, and all I can think about is that I want him back. The last few days I have enjoyed being home and just sitting around with Antonio; Heck, I'm still calling my mom multiple times a day to just tell her that I miss my cat and cry. My heart is broken into a million pieces, and although I know that it will ease eventually, today wasn't measurably different from yesterday or the day before. It just hurts my heart.

Yesterday I found a song I love that makes me think of Elliott's passing with at least a little more peace than usual. The group is called Libera, and it is a boys choir from the UK. The song, Rest in Peace, is beautiful. It's more notably for our fallen soldiers, but I can't help but think of Elliott when I hear my favorite passage below.

For all who need comfort for all those who mourn
all those whom we cherished will be reborn
All those whom we love but see no more
they are not perished but gone before

And Lord keep them safe in your embrace
and fill their souls with your good grace
for now they see you face to face
where they rest in peace - and rise in glory

Below is a sample, but click here to hear the whole thing.

Rest in peace - Libera/Fiona P...