Saturday, June 30, 2007

The "30" Project #19

I'm a survivor.

This post could be long if I don't decide from the get-go to keep it brief. I, like most of us, have been hurt. I don't want to place my level of pain above anyone else's, but the betrayal that I've been through once rocked me to my core and forever changed the person that I am. I was in a relationship where I was misled, lied to and cheated on (likely many, many times) by someone who said he loved me. That totally sucks. In the aftermath of the breakup I was a mess... and although I am well beyond it and am happy once again, that experience changed me. I have abandonment and trust issues that will never go away, and I battle them whenever I try to put my faith and heart into a relationship. It is always an uphill fight.

The accomplishment here is that I have overcome this experience, and (hopefully) become a better person for it. Although I feel vulnerable whenever I allow myself to feel for someone, I make the decision to let go (almost) every time. I now know what qualities I do not want in a person, and I use that experience to find someone who appreciates me and what I have to give. Yes, I am still looking... but although these scars are existent, I have managed not to let them hurt me too much more than they already have. I use them as guides to steer me through life - away from negative influences and towards positive outcomes. No matter how difficult, I have proven myself to be resilient... and thankfully that lesson has served me well.


Anonymous Dad said...

Sometimes, a knowing smile is the best thing one can "say".


June 30, 2007 8:39 AM  
Blogger Marie said...

you rock my friend. please know that.

June 30, 2007 9:20 AM  
Blogger cherylann said...

I think goiing through a severe breakup is good for someone. Seriously. It sucks while you are going through, and the issues do tend to stick with you (like me still asking my husband if he's sure he's not gay...hahaha), but like you said... it gives you an outlook that you wouldn't have had previous. Also, I think you cherish the good thing when you actually find it. Good luck girl... you are such an amazing person I'm sure your Prince is out there waiting for you. xoxo

June 30, 2007 10:38 AM  
Blogger julie said...

Yep... what cherylann said: the bad experience(s) mean you'll cherish the good one even more when you do find him.

June 30, 2007 9:26 PM  

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