Those Who Trespass Against Us

My car was rummaged through again last week. I'd like to tell you when it occurred, but since I rarely drive anymore, I just can't be sure. Do I lock my car? Yep. Did I leave my car unlocked? Possibly.

I'd like to say that I was horrified or violated... or affected somehow, but the truth is that after doing a quick mental inventory of the items in (or not in) my car, I cleaned up and shrugged it off.

It's amazing how eight years of living in Baltimore can change someone. Not that this is by any means a representation of how much I've changed, but it's telling. I don't really care anymore. When all was said an done, I tossed the papers back into my glove compartment, the chargers back into my center console, took note that I'm down about $1.50 in change, and moved on.

At least they left my collection of Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons...

Give Me That Old Time City Livin'

I mean, really?

















I've lived in the city for over 7 years, and I am quite the expert at parallel parking. This morning when letting out the dog, I woke up to this - and no, neither of these is my car.

Who in their right mind would park a car like this and leave it there? And worse yet: There's a booster seat in the backseat! My car is parked safely behind my apartment on the community parking pad, thankyouverymuch. Stupid neighbors...

One can only hope...

...that my stupid neighbor is moving. Yeah, that's her enabling boyfriend. I am crossing my fingers, although according to her drunken monologue, her "dad bought her this house" so it would be quite strange. What a blessing to the neighborhood (and the safety of our vehicles) if she leaves. Is there a saint of something I can pray to for this?

She's Back!

No more fretting... my neighbor hasn't suddenly learned how to park... she's still around. So do I call the cops, or not call the cops? I can't decide if this is ticket-worthy or not. (Stupid-worthy, yes.)

Um... wha?

Decent parking today... but what the hell? THAT'S new! Is this girl on a mission to hit every single thing possible in Baltimore? Jesus. LEARN TO PARK DRIVE!

It Ain't Over

Just when I thought that maybe my neighbor had learned to park... nada. Letting Antonio out this morning, I found that my neighbor has opted to park ON the curb in her attempt to get NEAR it. Ah well... at least she didn't hit my car again.

Ford Fusion

So I've got my rental, and it's a Ford Fusion. I'm pretty sure that the neighbor has a rental, too, because I haven't seen her car for a few days. Ah, well... my series is delayed for a week or so.

I am actually quite surprised at the Fusion. It's nice! Nice, of course, minus the heavy smoke smell in the car. I'm going to leave the windows open in the parking lot at work tomorrow and air that sucker out. It's really, really bad. But I do like the car - it doesn't have all of the bells and whistles that my Chevy Malibu does, but it's quick, light and a smooth ride.

Who knew Fords were okay?

Her Story Continues...

Volume II, January 19, 2009. 8:00 PM.

After being disappointed with decent parking yesterday, today I've been rewarded with another example of my neighbor's classic parking style. It's dark outside, but follow the line of the curb and you'll see how bad her parking actually is. Drinking at by 8 PM? Where was happy hour?

A New Series

A new series. I'm SO excited because I now have a regular topic to blog about again. My neighbor - is a HORRIBLE parker. Yes, THAT neighbor. And my dislike for her and her drunkenness is not culminating in violence, but in public humiliation... without her knowledge, of course.

I'm not sure what to call this new series - and I'm taking suggestions. Tales of the Pathetic Parker? Documenting a Drunk Driver? An (un)Neighborly Nuisance? Let me know.

For now, I'll reward you with Volume I, January 17, 2009. 10:30 AM. You think she was drinking last night?

So... who wishes they were me right now?

Really. C'mon, anyone?

Me: You're not even talking to me.
Her: Is there a problem?
Me: YOU JUST HIT MY CAR, AND IT'S ONE IN THE MORNING!
Her: So, is there a problem?
Me: Seriously?
Her: Is there damage?
Me: My car is right there - go look at it!
Her: So, is there damage?
Me: My car is right there. You. Just. Hit. It. Walk over and look at it!
Her: (silence) *Note: She hasn't moved.
Me: (dialing 911)

If my neighbor as an example isn't enough of a reason to reconsider driving drunk... I don't know what is. Her boyfriend kept answering questions for her, and she was unable to answer even a single question with any sort of lucidity. She had no idea what she had even done.

Now, of course, it's 1:30 AM, and not only am I MAD... but I'm freakin' AWAKE. There's no better punishment for an insomniac than to keep her up EVEN MORE in the middle of the night.

Goodnight, neighbor. You're gonna love talking to me when you're sober tomorrow.